"I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."
"Who am I? I guess that depends on who is asking. A lot of people know me by a handful of different names. Officially, my birth certificate says I'm Jisela West. But unless you're my parents, I'd really prefer you call me Ellie. I've never felt like the name Jisela fits me. Of course, if we met while I was working, I probably introduced myself as Tessa Gavit - and in that case, you should just stick with Tessa.
I'm a slicer - but don't go spreading that around! No one from home is supposed to know, and I'll do what it takes to makes sure it stays that way (and that isn't a threat, it's a promise). Slicing is my love, my passion, my calling. It's second nature and what I was born to do. It's not what anyone expected of me and I've made a lot of people unhappy but I'm starting to realize that my happiness is all that matters.
Life is funny that way. I'm nowhere I expected to be. My closest friends are pirates, I'm a criminal, and my fiancee isn't even Corellian. Who could have seen that one coming? I'm not sure where my life is going from here. I don't know where I'll be in five years or even one year. Hell, half the time I don't even know where I'll be tomorrow. But I love it, and I wouldn't change a thing."
The Way It Used to Be Edit
"Doesn't it start the same way for everyone? I've got a mother and father, and we were a happy little family. I'm an only child, so I grew up as the center of attention whether I liked it or not.
And yes, we are those Wests. Father's the CEO of Trust and West and my mother... well, she's Mari West. That in itself says a lot. When I was little I adored her. Truthfully, I still do. She was, and is, the most beautiful, graceful, glamorous woman I'd ever met. Say what you want about my mother, but she's always been a wonderful friend, even when she wasn't a wonderful mother. She's done everything in her power - they both have - to do what she thought was best.
My nanny was really the one who raised me. She joined us when I was only an infant and left when I was 13. I distinctly remember being very angry that she would no longer be around. I've never felt so hurt or so abandoned. She was the parent that I should have had. She kept me out of trouble and taught me right from wrong. Sometimes I wonder if she would be disappointed with the way my life has turned out.
I really don't think there is a lot of anything significant to my childhood. I played, I went to school, hung out with my nanny. Normal kid stuff, even if I was photographed on a daily basis doing the most inane things. I'll admit that I liked that people cared where I went and who I talked to and what I did.
I never dreamed of being where I am today. I always thought I'd end up just like my mother - and all signs pointed that direction. I was certainly socialized to be a good wife for someone. I've had more lessons in practically everything than I can think of. And whose to say I wouldn't have been happy in that life? I'm sure I would have, up until the day that I met Eve Allyn and my whole world changed."
The Beauty of the Baud Edit
"Ah, now this is the story that everyone always wants to know. How does a girl like me end up doing what I do?
I think it started as a joke.
When I first met Eve I idolized her. I wanted nothing more than to be her. And so it was out my sheltered life and into a whole new world. Eve's world was new, fast, and exciting. I loved everything about it. The drinking, the spice, the parties, the friends, the power. I loved it. It was an adrenaline rush like nothing I had ever experienced before.
She had these friends who were slicers, and I'm pretty sure they only tolerated my presence because they liked Eve and I was her friend. I didn't know what a slicer was back then, but I was curious as to what they were so enthralled with on their datapads. They were always doing something - and so one day I asked what it was that kept them so attached to the Holonet. One of them, known to most as Void, sat me down and showed me. He wasn't working on anything important, or maybe he just didn't want me running my mouth to the wrong people... but it was amazing. It was so much more interesting than anything I'd ever studied in school. The coding, the loopholes, the ability to do nearly anything, and the anonymity of it all, it was all so overwhelming and so cool to my 14 year old self.
I think he was stunned when I seemed really, truly interested and probably figured that I would get bored after a few weeks. But I didn't. When you find your passion, you know it.
The Sound of The Underground Edit
The Weakness In Me Edit
"I'm going to be honest. I don't want to talk about what happened on that boat.
I will say right out that I was tricked and I have no one to blame but myself. I am naive. Or was. It never crossed my mind that dealing with Imperials would end with a four month imprisonment. It was hard at first. He took everything that made me me. I still don't know what was the worst - the physical torture or knowing my family and Brae were out there trying to find me, but that if they did I'd be killed - or worse- they'd be killed.
They took my datapad, you know. They smashed it in front of me, ripped the pieces out, and tossed it overboard.
The last thing I remember is laying on the deck, choking on my own blood and unable to get myself up from the floor. That was the only time I thought I would die. I had at least a glimmer of hope until then. I don't who found me or how they did it, but I'll be forever grateful.
It was hell. Those four months made me realize I was weaker than I thought but still stronger than I ever imagined. Three months in I broke down. I've never been the same. I wonder if I'll see the old me again.
That's all you get out of me. What happened to me on that ocean is not for you to know, and for me to try and leave behind me."